It's been five weeks since my world was shattered. I've woken up every Friday since then remembering the phone call that changed my life. It was 6:01am and through his own sobs, I heard my father say "Honey, you have to come home. It's Mom. She died." I don't remember anything else he said. I hung up the phone and it was as if time had stopped. Am I still sleeping? Did I just dream that? This can't be real. I just spoke to her a few days ago. I was just with her two weeks ago and she was fine. We celebrated Beth's birthday, we danced, we laughed, we have a million pictures to prove it. She was happy. She was fine. And now she's gone.
She was everything to our family and to so many others. Over 500 people attended her memorial service. I heard the most amazing stories about her. Things she did for so many others. How she always took the time to listen and lend a hand. To give a hug when someone needed one. How she and my Dad always had an open door in their home. How they gave to those less fortunate than us. I always knew she was amazing. I had no idea that so many others knew it too.
Mom and I spent countless hours talking, shopping and planning for "our" baby from China. She was so excited to become a Nana. She was my biggest supporter and would tell me how she was always praying for me and for Maggie. How can I do this without her? How can I become a Mom without my amazing Mom by my side? How will I know what to do? I'm so afraid to do this without her.
I'm so sad. I can't sleep. My heart hurts. I miss her so much.