Once again, I can't believe it's been so long since I posted anything here. It seems like so much has been happening and now that I sit down to think about it I can't remember half of the stuff that has consumed my life since my last post! What I can remember is:

• I had to switch agency's - even though my agency kept advising me that though they were not Hague accredited, my paperwork was fine and I had nothing to worry about. Turned out that was a load of crap. About three weeks before the CC@@ deadline, they sent an email giving me the option to drop out of the China program, switch to another country or change agency's. After 3+ years of waiting, I chose to switch agency's. Now, my fingers are crossed that there won't be any bumps in the road when I ever get a referral.
  
  
• My best friends husband was diagnosed with an aggressive form of skin cancer the day before Thanksgiving. It's really bad. He went in for what he thought was a consult and they ended up removing half of his face! Surgery is scheduled for tomorrow, 12/15 to do a lymph node biopsy and a skin graft to close the gaping hole they left. They've been told that surgery will last 10-12 hours and then he will have to do radiation and chemo. Their whole world has been turned upside down. Cancer sucks.
  


• I bumped into an old friend last week who works at my doctors office. I hadn't seen her in three years - since I went to get my physical for my dossier. The first thing out of her mouth was "how is that baby of yours? I want to hear all about her!" Ouch. That hurt. She obviously thought that I had long been home from China and was shocked to hear that I may not be any closer today that I was when I last saw her. I try so hard to not stress and think about how long it's been but I got in my car and cried all the way home.
  
  
• I'm ready for 2009 to be over. It started bad, it's ending bad and there was a whole lot of bad in between. I'm hoping to see some of my blogging buddies get referrals early on in the new year. If that doesn't put a smile on my face then I don't know what will!
  
  
• I'm the last person left in my department at work. I guess I should consider that to be my job security. It's been a really rough year in the construction industry and not too many people are buying luxury homes. I've been given a lot of extra work (along with my pay CUT earlier this year) and I'm hoping that it will pay off in the long run. It could be really good for me. Or I could just be a sucker.
  
  
• The 38th & 39th anniversary of my LID has come and gone. January will be month 40 that my dossier has been collecting dust in a pile at the CCAA. Let's hope 2010 finally brings that speed up we've all been saying is about to happen.

• I can't believe that Christmas is in less than two weeks!!! I'm leaving Saturday to head to CT to spend time with my family and I can't wait. My brothers will be home from Utah and I've made some plans to get together with some old friends I reconnected with on FB. I can't wait to see my family!!

Documentary Screening

This past Saturday my local FCC, and Dr. Tony Tan from the USF College of Education, hosted a screening of a documentary on China adoptions. The documentary was filmed and produced by Dr. Changfu Chang, a Chinese professor and film maker from Pennsylvania. Both professors were born in China and have spent many years studying adoptions on Chinese children.

The documentary is called Long Wait For Home and it really is a must have for all families that adopt from China. It started off by profiling three birth families who told of their reasons for abandoning their child. It was heart wrenching to hear their stories - all three of them very different.

Then, Dr. Chang and his team were able to get footage inside an orphanage. They interviewed several of the nanny's and were able to give us a glimpse as to what life in a Chinese orphanage is really like. It was amazing and at this point I don't think there was a dry eye in the room.

Lastly, they interviewed several demographics of people in China and asked them their views on foreigners coming to China and adopting their children. Some people just had no clue and other's were very appreciative. It was eye opening.

I purchased all six of his DVD's. I feel that any insight that I will be able to give to my daughter will be worth the cost.

Most people that attended were already home with their children. They couldn't believe that I've been waiting for over three years already and still have no idea when I'll get a referral. If one more person told me that they only waited six months I was seriously going to hit them.

After the movie ended there was a Q & A session. Obviously, the first question asked was "are there really fewer babies being abandoned?" Dr. Changs answer was interesting. In short, his answer was NO. He explained it like this:

China has a population of 1.3 billion people

There are an estimated 10 million marriages per year

1/2 of those couples will get pregnant and have a baby

1% of those couples will adandon their child

That equals approximately 50,000 babies per year

So where are they? According to Dr. Chang, they are there. He has seen them. His thoughts are that they have been moved from the orphanages that participate in international adoption to the domestic orphanages in the poorer, smaller towns. This was China's way of "saving face". The fact that the rest of the world was coming to "save their children" because they could not take care of them, did not sit well with the Chinese government. Again, this is his theory. He does not believe that China will shut down the IA program but he does not expect the wait times to decrease.

I'm so glad that I went and was able to learn more about the possible circumstances that my daughter may face before I even meet her. Dr. Chang speaks at many FCC events throughout the year. I highly recommend any adoptive parent or family member to attend if he should come to a location near you. http://lovewithoutboundaries.org/index.html

Race For The Cure & 37 Months LID

Saturday was the 11th annual
Komen Suncoast Race For The Cure.

I walk every year to celebrate my Aunt Beth.

She was first diagnosed almost 20 years ago.

She's had more rounds of chemo than I can even remember.

When they removed the tumor on her spine,
they told her she might never walk again.

She did.

They told her should would NEVER be able to conceive a baby.

Liam Matthew was born on November 24, 2003.

When they did a PET Scan last year
her body was riddled with tumors.

When they did a PET Scan last month, they were virtually gone!

THAT is why I walk EVERY YEAR!!!!

This year I walked with my best friend Rachel, her beautiful 2 year old daughter and a bunch of her "mama friends".

Talk about odd man out ~ I was the only one not pushing a stroller :o(

Me & Rachel

The "mom's" made these cute t-shirts for all the kids!

On a completely separate, and much more depressing note,
today I've been logged in for 37 months37 months closer to my dream!

September

I can't believe it is the last day of September!

It's amazing how time goes so quickly yet so slowly.

I went home to CT a few weeks ago. My sister was having a dinner party for her co-workers that were so supportive of her when she was going through the stroke, surgery, recovery, etc. She asked me to come home so that I could meet them all since I had emailed and spoken with many of them during that time. It was great to have the opportunity to meet them and they were all as amazing in person as they were in email and phone conversations. She really is lucky to have such a wonderful group of co-workers who are real friends!

Last weekend was my 6th annual summer bash! My best friends husband plays in a band and we clear out my living room furniture and set them up in there. There's lot's of great music, good friends and jello shots! A good time was had by all :o)

The band was awesome!!

My best friend Rachel and I

Shots of Goldschlager!

I finally heard from my agency today about the Hague accreditation nightmare. They forwarded an email from the agency that facilitates my adoption sent but not from the actual Hague Accredited agency that my dossier is registered with. I'm still not satisfied.

So, when the announcement came out last week from JCICS that effective 12/1/2009 all adoptive families must be registered with a Hague accredited agency, I emailed my agency. They are not Hague accredited and I wanted to know how this would affect me. They of course had no idea. They suck.

They sent an email a few days later stating that they "believe" that the dossiers for their China families are ok and we have nothing to worry about. I'm sorry, WHAT? You believe that I'm ok? Um, yea, that's not good enough.

I emailed back and asked if I could get it in writing from the other agency that I am ok and that there will not be any problems when my referral finally comes. I'm mean, based on the fact that you believe my dossier is ok, it shouldn't be a problem. Right? Their answer was "I am seeing what I can do". What the hell does that mean????

I finally called Martha who was in charge of my agency's China program at the time that I signed on with them. Did I mention that it wasn't until about six months after she left that my agency actually sent me a letter to tell me so? Whatever. She actually now works for the Hague accredited agency that my dossier was filed through. I called her and she reassured me that everything was fine.

After I vented, and said a few not-so-nice words about my agency, she told me to call her any time with any questions that I have. Pretty nice of her, huh? If only my agency made themselves so available.

I'm still don't feel 100% sure about everything. I'll give my agency a few more days, but I'm gonna be pissed if I can't get it in writing and I get screwed in December. Can you even imagine? Three years of being logged in, three times renewing my paperwork, three years of loving someone I don't even have to know in order to already love.

My agency SUCKS!!!!

A Whole Lot Of Random Thoughts

How is it possible that on one hand I feel like time is flying by and on the other I feel like I really am on the slowest boat to China? I can't believe that it is almost the middle of September already. Before you know it we will be in the midst of the holiday season!! YIKES!

So...it appears that the only thing that makes me feel better about how sorry I feel for myself that I have been LID for so long, is to shop for Maggie. Holy Moly - I got some kick a$$ deals in the last few weeks on some really cute clothes for my girl.

Funny thing is, it makes me feel better until I get home and realize that I have no idea when she will be here to wear all of it. And then I get sad again. But I'm over it. For now.

Have you ever seen the show on Discovery Health called Adoption Stories? This show comes on at 6:30am during the week and I am addicted to it. I've only seen one show about a China adoption. Most are from Guatemal@ or Indi@. I don't recommend watching this show if you have been waiting for what seems like forever to adopt your child and especially not while you are trying to get ready for work. Some days I just can't stop the tears while I watch. If I cry this much watching families be made on TV, what am I going to be like when I finally meet Maggie? Probably a big fat blubbering mess!

I've taken two business trips in the last month to places that I have had to fly to. I am convinced that on both flights, the co-pilot was most certainly a teenager and I'm pretty sure that it was the very first flight for one of them. This poor guy was sweating like a pig. It was a small plane where he had to close the airplane door and check to make sure our seatbelts were securly fastened and I really thought the guy was going to pass out. It made for a real smooth flight just knowing that he was second in control. Umm, NOT!

My best friends daughter turned two this week.

I can't believe that it's been two years since I witnessed her being born. She is an amazing little girl who is full of sass and has all the attitude red heads are known for! She makes me smile and fills that empty place in my heart.

Next week I'm heading north for a visit with Katie. Wednesday was seven months and four days since her stroke and she was finally back at school with a room full of kids! She has endured so much in the last seven months and has overcome so many obstacles. She is truly amazing and I am so proud of her. I can't wait to see her and have our "sista time" together!

I'm also going to get to see my very first best friend!! I haven't seen or spoken with her in years. We reconnected on FB and spent two hours on the phone this week. We picked up right where we left off and I haven't laughed that hard in a long, long time!! It will be great to see her.

My aunt just got a clean bill of health from her oncologist! She recently had a pet scan and her doctor said the results were excellent!! Once again, prayers have been answered!

Last but not least, Kris is meeting her daughter this coming Monday in China!! I've been following her blog forever and cannot wait to see her with her beautiful daughter Ellis. It gives me hope :o)

That time of the month...

1095 Days

or

156 Weeks

or

36 Months

or

3 Years


However you look at it, it's been a long time.

*sigh*